fam[ily]

I love my family, but today got me thinking..do I ever truly appreciate my family?

Basically, I was the typical teenager growing up. Neither my parents knew what I was going through. I'm all alone in this world. Yeah, no.  Now, I see what they were doing. They loved me so much, they wanted a better life for me. Of course I can't go back in time and change the things I said, or things I did behind their backs. I can try different approaches that my daughter can grow up and not be afraid to share things with me. Although I know my parents were trying to protect me, I still was always afraid to talk to them, so I rebelled. I don't want my daughter having the life I had behind my parents' backs.

Now that I'm older and I have a great relationship with both my parents, I see more and more everyday people who don't. A friend who feels trapped because his/her parents want them to a certain person, when all they want to do is find their own way in this world. More importantly, a new parent who feels like they're a failure, when really..is a amazing and hard working person. Even though me and my parents had our fights growing up, they always let me know I was important to them. It's hard for me to picture parents not giving their children the love they need. They grow up feel insecure and worthless. No one should ever feel like. Everyone is special, important. They have a special purpose in the world.

I'm not a patient person, but I love watching my daughter learn new things. I love making her laugh and smile. I know that someday, the teenage years will be here, but I still hope that I can still make her laugh and smile at me. She teaches me new things everyday. She's teaching me how to be more patient, and I get a little better at that everyday. Still have my bumps for sure. I hope we can still teach each other things, and never hide things from one another. No parent is perfect, but I hope that when I do something less than perfect, she will call me on it. I never want her to not confide in me. After all, she is the most important person in my life and she has changed me so much already.

My little family.

blahh..sick

So, I have been sick for..about 2 months now, but I have been much worse in the past week. I'm on antibiotics now, but they don't seem to be doing much. They make me loopy and tired. Not good when you have a CRAZY 7 month old!! There should be rule somewhere that moms shouldn't get sick! We don't have the time to get sick!

I'm starting to plan my lovely daughter's first birthday. Went with butterflies since I have 2 butterflies on my shoulder. One representing me, and one representing her. I'm getting excited, but every time I try to talk to Derek about it, he always says, "how much is this going to cost me?" Argh. Men these days. Although to be nice, money is tight, but the only expensive things are the cake and the invitations and that's not much either.

I'm starting to think of new tattoo ideas. I want to get a nice big one on my thigh and I'm thinking flowers and a hummingbird. Hmm..decisions.

bleh..sick

Woke up today feeling like crap! Had a sore back and a sore throat. It feels like I've been sick for a month, at least! Cameron was very hyper today, but that's great. I hate when she gets sick.

Diet has been derailed a bit, due to sickness and..well yeah that sums it up. BUT, I went grocery shopping today and only got GOOD food. Except for that pop. Derek can't live without his sprite.

Been getting a bit frustrated in the job market. I wish it was just easy to pick and choose a job in your expertise and area where you live. It seems all the jobs are a half hour, or more away. What the heck is wrong with my town? Just have to keep trying I suppose.

Oh, and this is what I got for my sweet tooth. Pretty sure it's better than hogging a candy bar down and I only have a little spoonful once in awhile.

It's vegan peanut butter, with a some white chocolate. Not overly sweet and darn good:)

Start of a new year!!

Can't believe it's already 2011! Anyone have any good resolutions??

Top 2 on my list are to lose weight and continue to be a good mommy. I already think I'm pretty awesome at being a mommy, but the belly pooch needs to go. After my surgery I feel so bad about myself and I'm tired of it. I realize I will never be a size 2, which is fine, but I do want to be healthy and able to look at myself in the mirror without cringing.

Other than that, I want to be happy. So far, so good. My daughter is becoming more vibrant day by day, and me and her father are becoming more stable. We can joke more, don't fight over petty things. It can still be a struggle, but it's just about sticking thru it. I'm determined to give it my all for both of us, and more importantly, our daughter.